The World as She Knew It
by Shiori07
Summary: Forced to kill someone as a child, develop PTSD, and deal with cruel reminders of that every day of her life, Shino doesn't exactly have the best opinion of the world. There are times when she can't even bring herself to get out of bed in the morning. But now that she's met a certain someone, things have gotten a little better. Canon-verse Shino x Kazuto one-shot. Cover not mine


A/N: I know. This isn't IDWF, Misfortunate Love, or TSoST, but it IS SAO related, so you know I am not dead in this fandom yet, I've just been having motivational issues for those particular stories (and basically everything else) so this was born. But this wasn't all that easy either. You have no idea how many times I rearranged and rewrote pieces of this thing. There were a few times when I read it and went "I can't post this crap." But hey, it's here now, so enjoy SOMETHING that's Shinoto-related from me for now.

This is set in the canon universe, mostly because my other Shinoto fics are AU and I want to be able to fully convince myself that they can and will actually get together at some point...

Disclaimer: I do not own Sword Art Online.

* * *

Dark and Suffocating.

That was how Shino would describe her world at this very moment.

It didn't matter if it was the middle of the day, the world was still a pitch-black void, and it would remain that way even if she hadn't closed the blinds earlier. Life was a cruel existence filled with cruel people and circumstances that just seemed to take great joy in messing with her life. Why couldn't she just catch a break for once? Why couldn't her existence be at least _a little bit_ more bearable?

Shuddering slightly, the ebony-haired girl curled more tightly within herself, her eyes staring at the wall beside her bed. She knew that she shouldn't be whining or complaining about any of this, that there were other people in the world who have experienced far worse than she has, and thinking like this just made her angry with herself and her weaknesses. But sometimes she couldn't hold back the dark, depressing thoughts always swirling in the back of her mind. Sometimes, the thoughts just came to the front, invading her consciousness and entrapping her within a dark, eternal void. There were times when it got so bad, that she couldn't even bring herself to go out into the world.

Like right now.

Today was Friday, the last day of school for the week, and for some reason, Shino couldn't bring herself to even get out of bed.

Well, she knew _why,_ she just didn't fully understand why she still felt this way about any of it.

* * *

" _Hey. Look who it is."_

 _Shino's head immediately snapped up, her stomach seeming to drop as she recognized the voice of a girl that went to her school._

" _It's our friend, Asada," another voice said from her right, and soon, Shino was surrounded. Without warning, hands shoved her into an alleyway, her back slamming against a wall._

 _Several faces leered at her, their eyes cold and expressions sinister. "What were you doing in such a nice shop like that, huh, Asada?"_

 _The girl in question eyed them coldly, the afternoon sun setting a glare over her glasses as she wondered just how walking through the shopping district led to this._

 _Keeping her expression blank and her tone flat despite the small prick of fear she felt inside, Shino retorted._

" _Nothing that concerns you."_

 _The others just laughed._

" _Aw, come on. Don't be like that. What did you buy?" One of them asked, stepping closer. "Y'know, I've been wanting to treat myself to something nice for a while now, I just never seem to have the money. But you'd give me something, right, Asada? We_ are _friends."_

 _Suddenly, Shino felt someone grab her bag, and she immediately encased the straps on her shoulder in a vice-like grip. There was no way she was going to willingly let these thugs take her bag and her money. She had become much stronger over the past year and would not be so easily taken advantage of any longer._

 _There was a scoff of impatience. "What? So you don't_ want _to be friendly? Fine then."_

 _In the next moment, the world froze. Everything stood still, and all Shino could see was the finger gun pointed right at her chest._

" _How about now, Asada? Can we play nice?"_

 _The bespectacled girl could hardly move. She felt trapped, helpless, everything seeming to crumble around her now that that_ thing _was p_ _ointed at her._

 _The next thing she knew, someone was yanking her bag away. Shino barely reacted in time as her hands shot up and held on with all her might. It didn't matter if that gun was a fake or the real deal, there was no way she was just going to let someone take her things away without her permission. Not anymore._

 _With an angry shout, Shino's bag was shoved back at her, the force making her slam painfully into the wall. The impact left the girl stunned, but she managed to curl her body around her bag as if her very life depended on it._

 _Her assailant stood over her, glaring down in obvious anger. "I'm trying to be civil here, Asada. But you're making it very difficult. Now give me the bag before you get yourself in_ real _trouble," she growled before reaching down and attempting to pull the bag out of Shino's arms, but the felled girl held on, not giving even an inch._

 _Shino fought hard, squeezing her eyes shut when the finger gun was pointed directly between her eyes._

 _They were throwing her worst nightmare in her face just so they could take advantage of her, and it would work, she just knew it. There was no way she could hold out for much longer._

 _The memories were surfacing again._

 _Bile rose up in her throat._

 _There was red. There was red_ everywhere. _She could see it on her skin, on the gun in her hands, all over the floor. There was just so much of it._

 _And it was all because of her._

" _Hey! Leave her alone!"_

 _Suddenly, Shino felt her attacker being shoved away from her. Recognizing the new voice, the girl's dark eyes shot open. There, standing protectively in front of her to her utter bewilderment, was Kazuto. For a second, she just sat there, stunned by the fact that Kazuto had actually gotten physically violent with a girl._

" _Who do you think you are?" One of the girls asked angrily. "This doesn't have anything to do with you! Get out of here if you know what's good for you!"_

" _It doesn't matter who I am or if this has anything to do with me," Kazuto growled, his eyes hidden by his dark hair. "You're hurting an innocent girl." He slipped something out of his pocket, making sure that everyone saw, while keeping it a safe distance away from them. "I have a phone and I'm calling the police. I suggest that you leave before they get here."_

" _Now wait just a—"_

" _Yes, hello. I'm in the shopping district and I ran across a girl being hassled for money. I would appreciate it if you got down here as fast as you could."_

" _Tch. Never mind this, let's get out of here." One of the girls muttered, glaring at their prey and her new protector before turning and leaving the alleyway, her friends following suit._

" _Oh wait, they're leaving now," Kazuto said into his cell as the last girl disappeared. "No need to come anymore. Thanks." Immediately he hung up and turned to the girl slumped against the wall._

" _Shino!" he said in alarm, kneeling to check her for injuries. "Shino, are you ok? Are you hurt?"_

 _Shino didn't say anything, she was having trouble breathing. Her entire body shook violently, even her hands were shaking in her lap._

" _Shino?" Kazuto's hands went to cup the girl's pale face, his fingers cradling her neck. "Shino, look at me."_

 _Slowly, the girl looked up. Dark, onyx eyes met her lifeless, gray ones._

" _You're ok now." Kazuto muttered, his hold on her steady. "I'm here… I'm right here."_

 _Her breathing shallow, Shino slumped forward, her upper body falling against Kazuto's. Without hesitation, the boy wrapped his arms around her, holding her securely against him. Shino's hands fisted into his shirt as she sat there, trying to control her breathing as she waited for her attack to pass._

* * *

Remembering that incident for the hundredth time that day, Shino felt her chest clench painfully, and she curled into an even tighter ball, her knees pulled up to her chin.

That was what she meant by her life being cruel. It just loved to throw awful people into her life and remind her constantly of her most horrible experiences.

But she had to admit, not every part was absolutely terrible.

And one of those parts was a certain Kazuto Kirigaya.

Yesterday, when that whole ordeal had gone down, Kazuto had apparently been in the shopping district because of something his sister had wanted him to get. He had been wandering around, looking for the right store, when he heard noises coming from an alleyway. That was when he went to check it out and saw what was happening.

Shino couldn't have been luckier.

After everything had calmed down, Kazuto took Shino to a nearby café that they liked to visit frequently, and they got coffee. There, Kazuto asked Shino in an urgent tone what exactly happened. She gave a brief summary, and when Kazuto looked especially worried about her, she sipped her coffee and assured him that she was fine even though her stomach hadn't quite settled down yet. It took a while, but after talking normally for half an hour, it appeared that Kazuto was convinced that Shino was fine when he agreed to leave. He had offered to drive her home, but Shino had refused, knowing that he still had shopping of his own to do. And so, he gave in, and Shino headed home on her own.

Suddenly, Shino was broken out of her thoughts by her phone. It vibrated, causing the shelf beneath it to do the same. Not bothering to sit up, Shino reached over her head and picked up the humming object. She continued to face the wall as she unlocked the screen to read it.

[Received 1 Text Message. Sender: Kazuto Kirigaya.]

Slightly surprised, Shino opened the text.

[Kazuto: 'Hey. Are you ok? You didn't go to school']

A small smile appeared on the ebony-haired girl's face. She had a feeling that Kazuto would still be worried about her after yesterday's incident, and because of that, it wasn't surprising that he eventually found out about her staying home that day.

Knowing that she should respond before Kazuto felt the need to come kick her door down a second time, Shino typed a message back.

[Shino: 'Yeah. I'm fine. Wasn't feeling well today']

Barely thirty seconds passed before she received a reply.

[Kazuto: 'I'll be right over. Give me ten minutes']

For a full minute, Shino just stared at that message. She wasn't surprised, to be honest. She expected nothing less of him. It would have been more shocking if he _hadn't_ immediately come over to her apartment. He was just doing what he felt was best, leaving no room for her to debate or refuse.

And really, she didn't mind.

Kazuto Kirigaya was indeed a very special person to her. In fact, he was probably the most important person to have ever entered into her life. He was her online friend, her best friend, and more recently, her boyfriend. They hadn't been going out for very long, only a couple months, but prior to that, they had been great friends for a long time, trusting each other and dealing with their inner demons together after the Death Gun incident, and taking a step closer seemed only natural. Normally, people would think that two best friends dating would be awkward, but not for the two of them. By the time they agreed to start, it felt as though they had already been leaning in that direction for some time, and were just starting to act upon their real feelings.

Even though they had already been so close, Shino had still felt a bit anxious when starting to date Kazuto, mostly because of his friends, including his ex-girlfriend, Asuna, even though those two had broken up months before. People like Rika made Shino especially uneasy because they had known and met Kazuto long before she had, as Kirito while stuck in Sword Art Online, the death game that killed thousands. The bonds that Kazuto had with those people was something that Shino could never compete with, being stuck together for two years in a life-and-death situation. His friends would be very close to him, not to mention protective, seeing as how Shino was not the only one interested in Kazuto as more than just a friend. However, she was very surprised to discover that Kazuto's friends were actually happy for them, despite some of them being a little disappointed.

Briefly, Shino marveled at the good friends she had met through her current boyfriend.

Knowing that Kazuto was probably driving her way on his motorcycle right now, the girl didn't want to distract him, so she turned her phone off and held it to her chest, her body curling around it under the covers. She just laid there, waiting for Kazuto to arrive.

It didn't even feel like ten minutes when the doorbell finally rang. That was mostly because Shino hadn't been dreading or anxiously awaiting it at all. She had just laid there, absentmindedly tracing the stitching of the blanket over her head with her eyes.

"Shino?" It was Kazuto's voice, and it paused as if he were awaiting an answer, but Shino didn't give him one. Finally, he just said "I'm coming in" and presumably used the key that Shino gave him a few months ago to unlock the door.

The ebony-haired girl listened as the lock clicked, the knob turned, and the door swung open. She could hear plastic bags rustle as she imagined Kazuto take his shoes off and then set the bags on the counter in her small kitchenette. After a pause, footsteps moved across the floor until the edge of the bed dipped as a weight settled on it.

"Shi~no." Kazuto muttered, his voice sounding slightly singsong as he gently poked the girl's shoulder to get her attention.

Shino flinched slightly, the sudden contact startling her even though she had been expecting it. Slowly, she tugged the blanket off her face, revealing only her eyes as she turned her head to face her boyfriend.

Kazuto looked down at her, a certain warmth in his eyes and a half-smile on his face. "Hey. How are you feeling?" The girl didn't answer, she just sighed quietly through her nose, shifting under the covers until her body fully faced him. "And you told me that you were fine. Not that I believed you or anything."

"Of course you didn't," Shino replied softly, a fond smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "What are you doing here? Your classes don't end until three."

Kazuto laughed a bit, his eyes darting to the side guiltily. "Would you believe it if I told you that we were let out early?"

"Hm. No."

"Would you believe it if I told you that _I_ was let out early?"

Shino laughed this time, letting out a small chuckle. "No, I wouldn't."

She received a shrug. "Then I don't know what to say."

The bespectacled girl had a small half-smile on her face. "You're skipping school. Aren't you?"

Kazuto scratched his cheek. "You caught me," he said guiltily before turning a little more serious. "But I had to check on you. I can miss one day of school."

"Suguha won't be happy when she finds out."

"That's water under the bridge. I'll just call her later… Now tell me, why did you stay home sick today?" The dark-haired boy asked, his hand going up to her forehead. "You obviously don't have a fever." Shino didn't answer, she just avoided his gaze, and Kazuto's expression softened. "Was it really bad yesterday?"

Shino finally sat up, still not looking at him as she nodded and hugged her knees to her chest.

Slowly, Kazuto lifted his knee onto the mattress so he could turn more fully towards her. His arms pulled her into an embrace, her head coming to rest on his collarbone. Soon, Shino's arms wrapped around his torso, taking a shaky breath into her lungs.

"I just… couldn't go so soon… knowing that they would be there," she muttered, trying to explain herself as best she could into his t-shirt, her hands fisting tightly into the soft material.

"Ok. That's ok." Kazuto assured her, his hand rubbing soothing patterns into her back. The motion calmed Shino considerably, and she let out a low breath, allowing herself to relax into his touch.

"…You know, you could always just transfer schools."

Shino shook her head, her arms tightening slightly. "No. It's ok. I can deal with it for a few more months. Besides, after that, I won't have to worry because we'll be going to college."

Kazuto gave a tired sigh. "College. Right."

A small smile stretched across Shino's face. She knew that Kazuto wasn't exactly looking forward to all the work that college entailed, but she also knew that he wouldn't mind going because she felt the same way for the same reason. College wouldn't be all that bad because they were going to the same university together, just like they had promised not too long ago. They were even thinking about moving in together.

After a few moments, Kazuto spoke again. "Well, I trust you. I know that you can handle those girls on your own. "

Shino just gave a soft hum, glad that she had his support. She knew that she could deal with them too. She had it in her, she just had to approach it the right way.

"...So...there's no school tomorrow. Do you want to go out and do something?"

Shino nodded against him, that small smile still tugging at her lips. "That sounds nice."

"Alright then," he said, pulling away so he could look at her. "Do you want me to tell Sugu that I won't be home tonight?"

Shino's dark eyes blinked in surprise. "You mean you want to stay here?"

Kazuto shrugged. "You need me. Sugu will understand." When Shino didn't respond, he hurried on to say "Of course, I'll only stay if you want me to."

It took Shino a second, but when she responded, she smiled more widely and pulled Kazuto into another embrace. "No, I don't mind… Thank you, Kazuto," she whispered, her face buried in his shoulder. She didn't mind him spending the night at all. She was actually very grateful for it. Before, she had been dreading having to sleep by herself— _again—_ just like last night when she had almost suffocated to death in the dark.

"No problem." Kazuto replied, squeezing her tightly. Just then, Shino's stomach gave a low growl, and her boyfriend chuckled before pulling away again. "First, let me cook lunch because I'm sure that you haven't eaten anything all day."

He made to get up, but Shino's hold on him kept him from standing, so he sat back down, his hands bracing himself on the mattress. "Don't worry. I'll be right over there," he assured her, referring to the kitchen. After a moment, Shino nodded and her arms stiffly released him. Smiling gently, Kazuto leaned forward and softly pressed his lips against Shino's. Once he straightened up, he smiled again, stood, and made his way into the kitchen.

Shino watched as Kazuto flicked the light on and moved to the grocery bags he had obviously brought with him. He pulled out several things and threw the bags away before he went to wash up. The girl just sat there for a few minutes, her arms wrapped around her legs as she watched her boyfriend prepare to cook. When he started washing vegetables, she slowly slid off her bed and went to stand in the doorway. Noticing her watching him, Kazuto paused briefly to smile at her before continuing on with what he was doing.

It was a while before Shino moved again, and when she did, Kazuto had put a pot on the stove and was chopping up the vegetables. He hadn't realized that she had moved until she was right behind him, her arms slipping around his stomach and her chin coming to rest on his shoulder. He was slightly surprised, and paused again, his hands curled as they rested lightly on the counter. Shino didn't say anything, she just breathed quietly through her nose, her arms tightening her hold on him ever-so-slightly. In all honesty, she was doing this simply because she enjoyed the fact that Kazuto was there. He just made the world seem a little less dark and twisted.

Understanding what she was doing, Kazuto smiled softly and resumed what he had been doing earlier. He made no move to force her off as he cooked. Her kitchen was quite small, so it's not like he had to move very far to get things done anyway.

When the food was finally ready, the two of them moved to the main room and sat at the table to eat.

For the rest of the day, the young couple spent their time together in that apartment. They talked, laughed, and even watched some movies. When they got tired of that, they played cards on the floor where Kazuto lost almost every single time. When the world outside began to darken, the boy finally called his sister. The younger Kirigaya wasn't very happy, as to be expected, but she seemed ok with what he told her he was doing, even going so far as to tease her brother a little(Shino could tell from the blush she saw he was trying to hide). After that, they had dinner and talked long after the dishes were done, until finally, Shino let out a small yawn.

"Tired?" Kazuto asked from his seat on the floor next to her.

Shino nodded, stretching her arms into the air before settling against his arm once more. "A little." She muttered, not wanting to openly admit that she had only been able to get a few hours of sleep the night before.

"Then get to bed. I'll get the lights." Her boyfriend ordered lightly. He stood up, his joints a bit stiff, while Shino turned and crawled into bed without protest. As she was settling under the covers, the lights were flicked off, soft moonlight now more noticeably trickling through the window.

Seeing the room dark once again, Shino felt a shiver run up her spine. It had been so bright a moment before, sitting on the floor with Kazuto. The contrast was staggering, and for a moment the darkness was closing in, ominous and suffocating as it pressed in on all sides. The air became thicker, and in an instant, Shino found it hard to breathe.

And suddenly, Kazuto was there, slipping under the covers and pulling her against him. Shino welcomed him gratefully, trembling as she hugged him back, their legs tangling together.

As Shino laid there against Kazuto, she could hear his breathing and his steady heartbeat, she could feel the warmth radiating off his body and the rise and fall of his chest, and suddenly, she could breathe again. Suddenly, the walls stopped pressing in, and the air became lighter within her chest. Suddenly, all that mattered was the two of them, nothing existing beyond the walls of her small apartment. Nothing evil or ominous lurked within the shadows. Everything was normal, as it should be.

Suddenly, the world wasn't so dark anymore.

The two of them laid there in silence, no words needed being said, until finally, sleep took its hold on them, allowing them to drift off into oblivion.

That night, Shino found that her world was not as dark as she sometimes made it out to be. She just had to look in the right places and see the light.

* * *

A/N: Why is it that light and darkness are a recurring theme in all my SAO fics? I guess I just have a fascination with that kind of stuff. Well, I hope you enjoyed that fluffiness, I was just itching to write something like that for some reason and Shinoto seemed perfect for dealing with inner struggles. They just understand each other so well.

Please leave a review below, I don't really care how long or short it is. Anything would be awesome. Reviews are a writer's fuel :)


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